Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
