every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
