my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
