hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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