I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
