i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
