i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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