I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
