I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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