I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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