I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
