No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
