You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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