I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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