Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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