he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
