i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
