It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
