Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
