it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You smell like stripper and shame
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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