My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
