On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
