I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
