Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
