He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
