i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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