three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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