it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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