Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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