I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
