dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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