She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
