Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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