Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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