My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
