he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
