Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
