And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
