i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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