my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
