Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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