we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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