Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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