We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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