I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
