nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
