I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
