went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
