If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
