chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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