Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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