no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You may now shotgun with the bride
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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