My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize