I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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