for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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