im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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