she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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