the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you inspire me to be a worse person
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
