So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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