Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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