I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
